Here's Why Heartbreak Is Currency

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The rawest human proof, heartbreak reveals a common thread through the emotional maladies: being at the mercy of a broken heart.

As someone whose healing journey is indefinite, in the midst of all this mending is the most valuable and powerful lesson of all—you don't need to become embittered before things get better. Nor do you need to purposely hurt others in a vain attempt to prove a point. By living and operating from a place purely driven by deeply unresolved animosity and emotional venom, not only do you generate bad karma for yourself, but you further compound everything you can't unfeel and I can't think of a more tragic irony. 

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.
— Hannah More

An affirmation that has impacted me so much it lives permanently on my left forearm. To remind me. To allow for honest reflection. To channel into a masterpiece. (That last one? The open waters of acknowledging my value still makes me feel incredibly shrunken and exposed at times. Hey, I'm only human.) To keep me where I need to be. To carve identity and get to know myself far away from the spaces I once thought I needed to fit. To continue appreciating the things that don't hurt. To remember to forgive myself, too. (If you're reading this, it's okay to stop mentally brutalizing yourself for the things that can't be undone, redone, or even answered. Want to reverse regret? Don't let the lessons be for nothing and pay more homage to your literal and figurative teachers.)

An open heart is the sole ingredient in the recipe for owning your heartbreak. I know that may sound a bit strange, even possibly conflicting, but I can personally attest to the validity in the remarkable healing power of giving and receiving more love than you resist. While there's a lot that still weighs me down internally—having loved and gotten my heart shattered more times than I can count if I were actually tallying—in addition to being a grieving daughter, granddaughter, cat mom, niece, cousin, and friend (occasionally keeping me up at night), healing is happening to me in the most unusual, unexpected, and small forms. 

Yes, healing happens.

Why I Stopped Hyphenating "Self Love"

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The use of hyphens in “self love” has been resonating on a strange level of irony for me, lately. Love is just as much an individual phenomenon as it is a universal one. Yet I feel we don’t create enough space for it inside. We don’t allow it to radiate independent of social acceptability and our desire to be loved by others, enough. We tend to be great at meeting others’ needs, thus neglecting ourselves and making it that much harder to return to the empowered place where we feel worthy (without validation).

Removing the hyphen, for me, represents the space required to actively honor new and old commitments to ourselves not attached to anyone or anything. space to be better to our hearts. Space to love our bodies. Space to learn to say “no” when too many “yes”s deprive us of ourselves. Space to not allow ourselves to be mistreated. Space to find our voices and to never lose them once we’ve found them. Space to tell our stories. Space to start over. Space to make our own choices. Space to sit with our real selves beyond our surface selves. Space to express. Space to redefine inner feelings of peace. Space to heal. Space to grow.

— An excerpt from my book ‘root’, available on Amazon here.

Polyamory & Loving in Freedom

I was recently shamed for identifying as a polyamorist and told, "The way I love isn't love." This was hurtful to hear because my love-style comes from an open, honest, and selfless place.

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For me, polyamory is about the freedom to create, explore, expand, and preserve my connections with the women I love (while also creating an empowered and supportive space for them to experience the same). Connections that are strong enough to survive together and apart and aren't contingent upon romantic and sexual exclusivity. Dynamic connections, real connections. Free from the cages most relationships confine us to when fear, insecurities, and jealousy are allowed to dictate the way we connect with others. I don't ever want to love anyone into minimizing what someone else may or may not mean to them and I never want to experience being loved that way again. I don't ever want to love anyone away from the true wild of their heart. So often we hear "I want to see you happy, even if it's not with me", but when put to the test it rarely converts from being an impulse gesture (something simply uttered in the moment) to being sincere. How many of you actually mean it? I do, and contrary to the misconceptions, being a polyamorist represents those sincere acts of selflessness for me: Selfless love. It isn't for anyone else to understand or accept. I'm just grateful for each day I get to wake up, love, and let love.